Holy Fuck this site needs a revamp
yeah ts been a while, and I have since abandoned the original blog page because 1. it was kinda embaressing and 2. I was genuinely tweaking. I was not in a good headspace for a solid year and consistantly suicidal but Im in a very different space now. Alot has happened since I last came here and I hope to revamp this site, make it actually pretty and useable. What am I up to? Not a whole lot. Working at a local pizza/cafe joint, unfortunately had to drop outta school for scholarship reasons and Im frankly kinda drifting, trying to figure out what to do with my life. Its funny, Im at a stable place in my life, just not one Im completely satisfied with. I have ambitions but just unsure or scared to go for it.
Regardless, whats some major news on my end? Well, for one, I am kinda a staff member at my local. The Bay Area Madhouse guys want me to do more stuff, and over the last few months Ive been coming more and more as a volunteer instead of playing, mostly helping with setup. Its nice honestly,I can kinda enjoy these fighting games without actually playing them through these events and I get to meet and talk to cool people. Their previous venue in SF, The Foundry is unfortunately closing but they found a new place in Oakland and the first one is coming up next week on the 4th. Im a little nervous since I will be TO. But I think I can handle it.I became really good friends with this girl I met from my college. Its been kinda nice becoming friends with her. Drinking, talking about music, its kinda great. Truely my home girl. We went to Mosswood Meltdown last year and this year, and it was personally kinda amazing seeing John Waters up close and I was glad to do with a good friend of mine.
I started a Friends with Benefits relationship with this one girl. Its been interesting. Admittedly, I didnt think I was built for something like that as I do feel strange about intimacy, especially after my ex but its been kinda nice.
Thats the cool stuff. Whats the not cool stuff?
My grandfather passed.
After my discharge from the psych ward 2 years ago, I started making plans to go to El Salvador. As soon as I got out, I was told my Grandfather wasnt doing all too well and I had to see him. I bought airline tickets using a check from a Lawsuit from a previous job to see him in about 2 weeks. The day after buying tickets, I recieved a call from my sister that Papa Callo's time was coming. It was kinda shocking to hear. Not long after, he passed away. It was all very sudden. From my understanding, he woke up that day, got a haircut he was looking forward too all day, and then got home and passed. It was honestly a little funny and very much like him to do, almost as if he was getting ready to go. I was sad that I didnt see him alive one last time but at the same time, it was probably a good thing. My grandfather was a very stubborn, but strangely accepting man. He came from a very traditional, catholic background. Despite the fact we were the family freaks, he never really cared. He wasnt really sure how to ever show his emotions or that he loved us, but he was sure to bring us bananas every time he came down from the ranch he was working on every morning until he physically couldnt go anymore. He was always excited to tell us stories or show off the things he made, like a magnetic tipper that wouldnt fall off the base, no matter how far you pushed it. Those are memories I wanna stay with, not the ones of a barely cognitive old man in his death bed. His passing and everything afterwards was a very surreal time. Usually whenever we went to El Salvador, it was a fun time with trips to the beach or trying out food and fun sight seeing. While we did some sight seeing, most of the time was just odd. It felt something was missing, and Id come back to where he would sit on his chair reading the paper expecting him to be there but he never was. And It always hurt. And it bothered me I couldnt really feel anything the whole time. I was sad of course, but it wasnt of like tragedy, it was one where all i could say was "Damn".
A year after my grandfather, my grandmother out here passed away. That one was also surreal and of course hurt but for different reasons. For one, my grandma was diagnoised with cancer back in Dec 022. She was given 6 months and lived 2 years. Thats insane. Within that time span, my family and extended family were able to prepare. We thru a life celebration a good year and a half before she passed. My mother and my aunts were able to come to terms with alot of shit that happened between them and my grandmother(my grandmother was special and not in a flattering way sometimes). When she in her deathbed, we all said our goodbyes and it was kinda a nice bittersweet moment. We all said our things about her one by one. When the funeral happened, we fucking pregamed the thing and apparently one of my cousins popped a perc. Sounds in poor taste but in all fairness, it was legit what my grandmother wouldve wanted, she loved parties. Afterwards we all got drunk. It was kinda nice frankly.
My mother got cancer and after YEARs of delay, she was actually put on dialysis. Thats a roller coaster of things frankly. It goes back on forth from we ball or we not balling. Fortunately, her cancer meds seem to be working, which was a major concern due to her failing kidneys, which was all for naught since they failed anyway. Still, its good progress so far and all things considered, she is doing p good albiet more tired. She cant travel as much due to the ports she had installed on her stomach for dialysis.
That got heavy. Despite these personal tragedies and hardships, life is honestly okay. Its not perfect but nothing ever is. And I feel hopeful that things will change
DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON BEING ON THE NEWS FUCK